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  • rachaelentine

What Now??

Updated: Jan 8, 2021

The divorce process is filled with emotional overwhelm, fear of change, the unknown and an infinite amount of decisions to make that will have an impact on the rest of your life. I know - I’ve been there. After being married for almost 10 years, creating a life and a home filled with three young children (at the time, ages 6, 2 and 2), and some decent times, my husband, in counseling, decided he wanted to separate.

As the therapist sat in shock, even going so far as to say this has never happened in any of her sessions, my mind began to swirl. Panic began to set in. I knew in my heart that “separation” meant “eventual divorce” and having left my job to stay home and raise the kids, so he could follow his quickly rising career trajectory, left me feeling alone and terrified for what my future would hold. As the “separation” did turn into “divorce” I had so many questions - for myself and the many experts that are part of this grueling process - mediators, financial planners, financial mediators and ultimately divorce attorneys. What would I do for money was the scariest of them all. My ex was extremely successful so I knew it wasn’t an immediate issue, but from day one my divorce attorney told me I needed to have a plan - what would I do to support myself and my kids when Alimony/spousal support ended? We hadn’t even discussed an amount or term and this was one of the first things my lawyer and I discussed - my “What will I do with my future?” Immediately became my “What Now?” My prior career was in advertising. I was a strong account manager and loved my relationships with my clients, but it was not something I envisioned for my future. I also had missed key years in technological developments and the rise of social media marketing and felt fear - that I’m out of the loop and that I’m getting on in years. That it would take too long to recover the six-figure salary I had when I left, that there was no emotional satisfaction in that role, and that I’d have to commute into the city for the best jobs. A commute scared the heck out of me as a single-ish mother of 3 (and with the state of NJ. Transit!). We ultimately decided to mediate with lawyers to come to agreeable terms. Even with a lawyer on my side and a mediator helping to come to a resolution, I still felt lost and scared - and after my ex left his high paying job - the fear set back in. I realized I needed to rely on myself, and to find a career that allows me the flexibility to be present for my children, something that can make me some money for the immediate future, and hopefully security down the road. The money and flexibility weren’t all though - I needed something I was passionate about and something that would fulfill me emotionally. And then I discovered the world of coaching.

Since my ex and I separated, I’ve connected with countless people going through a divorce. Friends, friends of friends, ex-boyfriends (ok new prospects and boyfriends too!) who have different stories but all have gotten to their point of “What Now?” I have sat and talked with them, talking about the past, the future and how to get to a point of comfort and confidence... how they should view divorce as an opportunity, not a scarlet letter. How they should celebrate themselves for even the smallest step forward. And it was after enough of those conversations I figured out my “What Now?”... and for me it was to help others through this process, with your head held high as you come out on the other side and begin your new life. To reduce the fear, worry, stress and wasted years in a process with too few road signs and too many uncertainties - and as your divorce coach, this is my ultimate goal. I will not give you legal advice or therapy (That is not what is in short supply in this process) ... I will work with you as your thinking partner to make the overwhelm of this process far more manageable. I will walk down various roads and options with you, breaking down the questions and issues to enable you to come to decisions on what is best for you, and what is best for your family. I will help you turn your anger and aggression into a rational, forward-thinking mindset, setting you up for success both at the negotiating table and after. I will help you be the best and most knowledgeable client for your attorney, which in turn means a quicker and more cost-efficient negotiation. And most of all, I’ll be your friend, support, and unbiased counsel as you travel down this road. Yes, you have your friends and your family who will all give you advice and the best support they know how to give. But, as you will see, they are also emotional about the process and can offer conflicting opinions that, while well-meaning, can often be conflicting and confusing. This is why I created a practice that is everything I desperately needed at every stage of the divorce process but could never find. While not everyone is a perfect fit for what I offer, everyone who is ready to take back control over the divorce process gets a consulting call with me. You will get the type of thoughtful candor that I give every one of my clients and learn how I can best support you.

It’s simple to connect, simply click here to schedule a call with me. I look forward to speaking with you soon!

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