Things I Wish I'd Known Regarding Self Confidence
Have you ever had a moment - or more - where you don't feel so great about yourself?
Even the most successful, beautiful, intelligent among us have had moments of self-doubt.
Whether self-generated or at the hands of someone else, these feelings can be devastating.
They can cause you to freeze in your tracks, even retract and slide backward as opposed to holding strong or forging ahead.
As a divorced mom of three, I've for sure had these moments. For me, I wonder if I'm able to "do this." Can I run a house, plan 4 lives - shuttling my kids around, facilitate friendships and activities for them and myself. Can I rebuild a career - whether or not it looks like the one I had before children? Can I find that "perfect for me" partner?
So far I've been doing pretty damn well I think. My kids are happy and well adjusted, we are navigating a recent move to a nearby town together - and so far successfully. I made a smart financial decision to sell our family home at the peak of the market and purchase a condo/townhome with far less maintenance and far more amenities at a great price. I find myself surrounded here by other divorced women and feel a bond of support in an incredibly short time. I've received praise on my business content, have made meaningful work connections and am excited to be jumping back in after a short break to recharge.
I've been fortunate to have kind, doting boyfriends since my marriage who sadly were just were not perfect for me. And I now find myself browsing the dating apps again. My pics - even pre covid- were not very revealing and only showcased my best asset. (long, toned, genetically blessed legs). I'm certainly not the prettiest girl on the block but I believe I'm attractive - and who I am as a person (smart, funny, empathetic, generous) takes that up several notches. But I, like everyone, have insecurities and lack self-confidence at times.
I love food - like LOVE FOOD. I also enjoy my wine, and while I try to be active... my peloton has gained a decent coating of dust in recent months. Add all these up and let's just say I don't have the tight little body a lot of guys are looking for... I know I can do something about it, but I've decided some satisfying meals and tv binging are what I needed more. But then I go on these dating apps.. and after a lengthy bout of banter last night with a promising prospect, including talk of a (never gonna happen) wager of a beach trip - I was informed by him that "Any beach is good for me as long as you look good in a bikini."
I pictured myself in a bikini and I knew it was likely nothing like he was picturing. I don't wear bikinis - haven't since I had kids. But it brought me back to that place of such insecurity that I won't meet his expectations.
And then I thought - why am I trying to?
Why do I want to be someone I'm not?
If a tight little body is what he's looking for, then I am not the one for him... same as if I'm looking for a certain quality - say someone who's not superficial - I shouldn't date a guy who is consumed with looks.
I gathered my thoughts and told him who I was.
I explained I don't wear bikinis and I felt it was important to manage expectations.
I anxiously await his feedback... or lack thereof to know if that was just a dumb comment or who he is.
So many of us cover parts of who we are, physically, emotionally, financially - and put forth a version of ourselves on social media and dating apps that just is not reality.
Wouldn't it feel great to feel proud of who you are? (YES)
Let others take or leave the real you? (YES!)
Enter into new relationships openly, not hiding anything? (YES!!)
Hiding things leads to more stress and anxiety as you are forced to continue to hide it!
Being our real, true selves, and being proud of who we are is confidence-building and empowering!
I am me, you are you, and we should celebrate and be loved for every bit of us.