Things I Wish I'd Known... Regarding Compromise
In this week's "Things I Wish I'd Known..." my good friend shares how important it is to "be open to conversation and negotiation. Yes, there are state recommendations and guidelines for many aspects of divorce. However, you can also come to an agreement with your spouse that is unique, as long as it works for you."
"Letting the lawyers drive the entire process is not always the best solution. The more you can agree on directly with your spouse, the easier the process will be for both of you and your family. It will also get resolved in a fraction of the time and allow you to move on with your lives."
Many of my clients enter our sessions with reptilian brains blazing - in peak fight or flight mode. Either they get what they want - or there's no deal. Hurt, anger and fear are the driving forces here. Holding firm to this position only heightens emotions and discord, delays the process, and depletes bank accounts. In order to get through the process more quickly and cost-efficiently there must be some give and take - some negotiation. I work with my clients to manage the reptilian brain so that the emotional and thinking brain get reconnected. By creating a safe space, simple solutions, thinking towards the future and removing fear - they are able to focus on desired outcomes and take the steps to get there. With their emotions under to control, they can focus on the business of divorce and are enabled to communicate openly about what matters to them - and to listen carefully to what's important to their spouse. Once able to hear each other, it's possible to come up with creative solutions that get as close as possible to what each of you want.
Remember, the attorneys do not need to get along and help raise kids after their work is done. You and your spouse will. Communicating and removing the emotion will ultimately get you to a better outcome - and a. better relationship - but it takes work and tools to achieve that goal. Let me help you get through this with your wits and integrity in tact. Let me help you close this chapter and turn the page.
I have learned how valuable time is at my stage of life, I do not want to spend years on a divorce. Do you?