Things I Wish I'd Known About Shifting Perspective
You're getting divorced.
What is it that you think you HAVE to have? What you HAVE to walk away with?
Very likely if you're approaching or in the midst of a divorce, it's your family home.
The last thing you want is to cause further change beyond the emotional upheaval that divorce can bring. Predictable schedules will shift by the pure nature of this split. Keeping some sense of normalcy and the comforting arms of your support network close is a top priority. I get it- I was there. I was determined to stay in our family home until my twin boys (age 7 at the time of finalizing our agreement in November 2019) graduated high school.
There were so many reasons why this was important to me at the time. Many of these reasons were rooted in fear - fear of change, fear of failure, fear of uprooting my kids lives (and my own) to move to a smaller home, in a new location... would they make friends? Would I? I was 45 - did I have it in me to start over? I was a creature of habit, I believe in part due to my own upbringing. My parents still live in the home on the corner of the two streets in which they once lived as children. My closest friends are those who I've known since I was 1, 5 and 12. I worked so hard to create a beautiful, comfortable and welcoming home, and a stable environment for my kids. We were already throwing a huge wrench into the original grand plan of our lives, and we all deserved to stay there.
The thing is though, time passed. Covid hit. We all became more isolated and more introverted. People started fleeing out of the city for idyllic suburban spaces where they can step out into fresh air by simply opening a door. People began paying record prices for homes - on my block! I began to see opportunity. I began to think more seriously about the security of some extra cash in the bank for our future, and my perspective began to shift. Maybe a move would be good for all of us. My daughter, who has struggled a bit to find her "crew" can have a fresh start. I began to get excited, SHE was excited. I talked to a realtor and started seeing homes, bringing the kids who were ALL excited about the idea of a new home in a new place - and as I sit here, writing this post from a local coffee house, there's a for sale sign in front of my home, and lots of brokers swarming it at this very moment (🤞).
The Odyssey Online gives a simple and concise explanation of shifting perspective, "Perception is reality. How we see something becomes the truth in our lives, which sometimes, can be self-limiting. It is like changing the way you view the world. When you change your view of the world, you change how you feel about it."
When we're mired down in the emotional overwhelm of a divorce we are not always able to see any perspectives beyond our one track mind of what we think we deserve at that moment. I was fortunate to have time on my side and I could afford to stay where I was until I was able to calm the emotions and adjust to my new single life.
I know not everyone has this luxury, but that's where I come in.
As someone who's been there I know it seems nearly impossible to imagine your life as anything but what it's been, especially in the midst of a divorce where everything seems tumultuous.
As a coach, I have the experience, training and hindsight to help you shift your perspective, to see all of your options, and all of the opportunities that lie ahead. You may stay in that home, you may not... but either way? You will feel good and confident with your decisions knowing you've looked at every option and made a sound, educate decision for yourself and your family.